Just Me Being Me

Well I haven't posted a blog in a couple weeks. Its mainly because I find that I'm not sure what to write about. There are so many things that I'd like to say, but I'm unsure that I want people to know. I'm SO fickle, even though the reason behind starting this blog was to let all my emotions out and put them down on "paper". But not I'm not so sure I want people to know how I'm feeling or what I have been thinking lately. Well here goes nothing I suppose.


Not to long ago I found out that a friend of mine is pregnant. I was SO extremely happy for her because they had been trying for such a long time. I thought that I would be SO jealous but as it turns out I felt nothing but happiness for her and her husband. But I have been feeling a little guilty because I want so badly to be pregnant again. Don't get me wrong I love Sebastian and I am enjoying the time with him. I would just like to have more kids and a bigger family. Although I have been wanting this ( which is why i feel guilty wanting another child even though I already have one) I find that telling people about wanting another baby is hard.

When someone brings it up i get very embarrassed and a little ticked because well I don't like being asked when I'm gonna have another baby. I know its stupid and I should just be quite but its frustrating when Ron and I have been trying and still nothing has happened. I don't know why i feel disappointed when i already have a child but well.....I'm two weeks late on my period right now. Last week I took a pregnancy test and it came up negative. I was SO bummed and so was Ron. But now that another week has passed with no period in sight we decided to buy another pregnancy test. Now its just sitting in front of me taunting me lol. I want to take it but I'm afraid it will just be negative.

If it is negative again I don't know what we will do, because at that point we then have to find out why I'm not having a period. I think I'm just gonna let this dang thing taunt me a little more before i take it. I think i was less nervous when i took the pregnancy test to find out i was pregnant with Sebastian.lol


four hours later....

took the pregnancy test...it was negative....now im just worried about what might be wrong with my body...

Toys

The other day Sebastian was going through his toy box and just kept pulling toy after toy after toy out. Finally when all the toys were out and about he looked up and said something in his baby language. Not sure what he said exactly but who would know but him? After he was done speaking he went over to the Wii and picked up the microphone that goes to the American Idol game. He then started dragging it around the living room singing his baby babble into it and then would precede to bring the mic over to me so i could then sing into it. He would laugh when i would sing and then put the mic back up to my mouth. This went on for about an hour.

Out ALL the tons of toys he has he picks one that isn't a toy and isn't his to play with.


That is all!!!!

Friends

I miss my friends......Sigh!!!


All I do lately is work work work and then come home. I'm so frustrated with the way our life is going. I know that I need to just hang in there, but i keep praying that my friends will find time to hang out. May be I'm just not praying the right way lol. Hmmm there is no wrong or right way to to pray though lol.

I keep seeing all these darn facebook posts. "I had the best girls night out".."hanging with the girls was awesome" "my girlfriends love me" blah blah blah. Am I just not likeable or hangeable lol is that even a word? I know I know I'm whining lol bleh on you who read this.

I'm just feelin sorry for myself and i think i have every reason to. I don't really ever get invited to anything and normally Ron and i don't do stuff with other couples because we just don't feel like people really care about doing anything with us. Besides we do truly enjoy one another's company.

Okay I'm done whining!