My Son.

Today started out like any other woke up went to the bathroom brushed teeth came back in to the bedroom turned on the light and turned of our a/c in our room. Sit back on the bed turn on the TV to watch the last 10-15 min of the news and then watch the Today show while i get ready for work. Put make up on and do hair then get dressed and kiss the hubby good bye and then leave for work.

Got to work, feet dragging of course. Went inside got all my paper work, turned on my computer, got the cash box out of the safe and sat down. Did all the normal work routines and that continued till about the time my co-worker returned from her lunch just in time for me to go on mine. When she entered into the room you could suddenly feel an icy coolness sweep the room. I asked her a question and she dang near ripped my head off that's how the rest of my day ended up being a disaster. Its like after that i just couldn't get out of my crappy mood.

What bothers me the most is I am the one who let her snapping at me ruin my day. So after work go to Wal-Mart and buy some flip flops since mine broke, also bought some other items that i needed got some gas and came home. Once home I was bombarded by my son. =) and I can't help but smile cause no matter what type of day I'm having i can always count on my son to want me, love me, and smile at me just to make my heart melt for him over and over and over again. I can't help but be happy when he smiles at me and wants to play with his toys and tries to make me talk on his phone and then he throws the phone down and wants to crawl all over on top of me and then lays his head down on my shoulder so i can kiss his forehead. He was the kicker of my bad mood today.

So thank you son i love you more than you know.

Mistified

I just don't understand somethings that are happening right now.


Soo the last several days have been very hectic. I go to work in the morning Ron gets up takes care of the baby feeds and changes his diaper. Once changed and fed I'm not sure what Ron does, I know that as of late he has been helping out my sister while she goes to physical thereapy he goes and watches my neice and nephews. Then in the afternoon during my lunch hour he takes his mom to the hosptial where she gets her infusion done which she has to have for i think another week or two. But besides that he really hasn't done all that much. I guess im wondering if he thinks that after i get done with work a place that takes so much from me emotionally that i feel physcially drained that im gonna come home and cook and clean while he does ???????? Im really peaved at this point. I know that i don't stay at home with sebastian and that i can't totally comprehend how much of a handfull he can be but its not like Ron can't get off his rump and actually do something in our house.

The other day my friend Mona posted a blog about The Five Languages of Love and we found out that my number one was Acts of Service. Basically i feel more loved with my hubby does things around the house now it could be huge things or something small. It could be taking out the trash or getting the whole house clean but for me its that type of stuff that lets me know he loves and cares about me. So i had him take the test and his was Physical Touch. Now that doesn't mean getting our groove on it bascially means the small touches and hugs and kisses that you can do or for him the other day it was hittin his butt lol. Anyway every since we took that test i have been trying to make sure that i kiss and touch him when ever i can because i want him to know that i love him. He has only cleaned once....I thought that he would at least try to pick stuff up ya know at least get things picked up off the floor like sebastians toys and what not but instead when i came home from work today ( not feeling well mind you ) the house is still a mess and the kitchen is still dirty from the weekend. Now im a little peaved i mean i don't get why he can't clean I understand its not something men want to do but when you don't have a job get off your butt and please do something besides feed the baby ( put him in his high chair and put food in front of him while you watch tv for 15 min) then let the baby play while you watch tv then put the baby down for a nap and come play on the computer for an hour. then give the baby some lunch while you watch or play Wii then let the baby run around the house and play some more while you watch or play the Wii then hmm your wife comes home. Ooops didn't get nothing done guess she will either do it or it will wait and eventually she will get tired of seeing a mess and clean it herself after all she is the one who wants it to be cleaned. UGH so as he left tonight for the Church softball game i told him i was gonna leave the house a mess so he could clean it tomorrow, all he says is yup and walks out ther door ugh. our room is a mess the upstairs bathroom is a mess the living room i picked up right after he left and the kitchen is just gross. I put sebastian to bed early because well he wanted to go to sleep and now here i am in my room looking around and see that there is clean laundry on an unmade bed that still needs to be put away from two days ago. I don't get it why can't he do some of this stuff. Humph and he complains that i leave cups on my night stand that have water in them OMG batman get off your butt honey and do something because although i wanna be at home right now its because home looks better than work. I'll tell you what though if i was home this house wouldn't look the way it does right now. ugh i'll be posting some more later after i clean this room i can't take one more minute looking like this. UGH

Starting something...

I have always wanted to write. Since I was little I can remember writing poems and short stories. Now that I'm older i have let life get in the way of a lot of dreams of mine. Although I don't have a ton of time I do have a little I could dedicate to write a book. Now this is something I have been thinking of doing for about a year now and I think its time I do it. I'm just not sure what type of book i want to write I could write about my favorite time period which is the 1800's or i could write about vampires which i love although i think most people have enough vampire stories to read and watch =).

UGH Work!

So today i was bombarded with an impomptu meeting with a supervisor that shouldn't work there. Number one i have no idea what she does, I'm not even kidding i really don't know what she does. Two she has been with our company for three years and still does not know parts of our computer program. She constantly has to ask ME questions in regards to certain aspects of it that should be simple. So she tells me we are going to go upstairs and listen to some tooty calls ( tooty calls are "secret shopper" calls which they score us on) so i go upstairs thinking no big deal. After we are done im about to get up when she says " this is the part of my job i hate" to be honest i thought she was going to fire me something that i feel she doesn't have the right to do. But as a supervisor she does..Anyway she sits down and tells me that she didn't appreciate me disagreeing with her in last weeks meeting and that no matter what my opinion what HER opinion was is what IS and that because she was supervisor her opinion trumped all others. I'm sorry but you should NEVER tell an employee that their opinion doesn't matter it really doesn't make them want to work for you like ever. Now here is the sad thing this supervisor has not only fallen asleep at work, which i have caught her do. She also takes personal calls almost on a daily basis she checks her emails through out the day on her yahoo which is for personal use she has personal mail and perscriptions mailed to the office and it takes her 3-4 hours to do a staples order something that should take at the max half hour. I would say im going to quit like i want to do but at the moment my husband is a stay at home dad and i work if i quit we have no money no way to pay for bills or for medical insurance. Here is the other kicker her supervisor used to be my direct supervisor until she hired this lady three years ago. And although i have reported my new supervisor to the site manager(ex-direct supervisor) still nothing has been done. Im frustrated and now feel like i can't go to anyone in this company. Its hard to work somewhere that gives me such stress and anxiety that i become ill and then do not go into work there for my attendence the last few months has not been the most exellent but other than that my work is wonderful and they NEED me there thats what they tell me. You know why they NEED me there? So she doesn't have to do a damn thing because i do everything that SHE should do...ugh...okay im done thank you for reading if you do =)

Working Mother.

So I thought that being a working mother would be easier. Boy was I wrong!

I can't stand my job. I currently work in a tiny office with two other women both of whom are considerably older than myself. One is in her mid 40's the other her mid 50's. Lately i have found it hard to go to work. Thinking about going to work makes me physically sick. I find myself wanting to be home ALL the time, yet when i am done with work and i come home i find myself not wanting to be around anyone nor do anything i want to be just left alone. My job is very very draining emotionally and when you are drained emotionally you tend to be drained physically as well. So you can imagine how me and my husband are at the moment =(. I wish there was a switch that most men think women have that i can just turn on and off so that way when i come home i'm a happy mother and a loving wife but thats not always the case and i can see its doing a number on my marriage and on my relationship with my son. My son is only 17 months old and I don't want him to think i don't love him i know he knows that i do but........

FYI

This is my very first time blogging anything. I decided to do this because a friend of mine is doing it and it looked like a good way to get things out that i never really do ever get out.