I wanna get lost

I wanna crawl into a deep deep hole and just dream all the bad things away. I wanna feel like I have power. I wanna feel like I'm special (NO not that type of special either). I wanna be like all the women in my romance novels or the girls in the Teen/Young Adult romances. The romances with Vampires and Werewolves. I wanna feel magic. I want to NOT be in pain or depression. I want to travel around and see things. I don't want to be trapped by work. I want to have enough money all the time to pay the things I need. I could care less about anything extra, although that would be nice. I wanna do something I love and make my living off of that.

Fantasy, magic, and my mother in law

The other day while driving home from work, I had an extrodinary thought. What if all the magic that I read in my fantasy based books were really apart of our world? What if we really had vampires, werewolves, witches (good or bad) . What if the prince or princess was real? What if ????

I know im weird but these are the things i think about driving home from work lol. I have thought sometimes it would be nice to one day wake up with powers that were beyond this world that no one had ever seen before. That it would be great to know a vampire and to be in the presance of a werewolf. I know that these would be things that would never happend but isn't it nice to fantasize to loose yourself in extrodinary dreams?

Today I finished reading a book that was full of Vampires and magic. After I was done i came online and started chatting with a friend. He told me that I fantisize to much and let it overwhelm me. I thought that was weird for him to even say anything as i don't see how he possibly could see me doing that lol. I mean i know i can romantisize things and they seem a bit odd or out there but i never let those type of things get in the way of me being a mother or a wife. I guess he just took me back a bit.


OKay now im gonna switch gears on you and do a two in one blog lol.... this part is me venting


Right now my mother in law is downstairs vaccumming my living room WHY i have no clue. She is not the best cleaner in the world yet she feels the need to do it and though i appreciate the thought behind it she just makes the mess worse and then i have to work harder to fix what she does. Yesterday she goes in to the kitchen and starts cleaning the stove. She was in there for half and hour and that dang stove was not that dirty but thats all she did was clean the stove. She then starts going back to her part of the house and stops and tells me she is going to to watch a show but she will be back and finish cleaning the kitchen. So i look at her and tell her thank you but i'll go ahead and clean the rest of the kitchen. TO be honest i think that really upset her. But i just went ahead and cleaned it and finished it as well. So now this morning she waits for me to come upstairs and starts cleaning MY living room. This is not a room she uses by the way and she rarely uses the kitchen either but when ever she cleans she feels the need to rearrange things and by the time she is done she moved things around so much it take an hour just to locate them and no im not exaggerating at all when i say this. I love my mother in law and she has helped us out with sebastian on a number of occassions i just wish she would stop acting like she knows how to clean and leave stuff alone. UGH !!! I need to check if my rug is here so i gotta go but thanks for reading my vent and weirdness lol

Just Me Being Me

Well I haven't posted a blog in a couple weeks. Its mainly because I find that I'm not sure what to write about. There are so many things that I'd like to say, but I'm unsure that I want people to know. I'm SO fickle, even though the reason behind starting this blog was to let all my emotions out and put them down on "paper". But not I'm not so sure I want people to know how I'm feeling or what I have been thinking lately. Well here goes nothing I suppose.


Not to long ago I found out that a friend of mine is pregnant. I was SO extremely happy for her because they had been trying for such a long time. I thought that I would be SO jealous but as it turns out I felt nothing but happiness for her and her husband. But I have been feeling a little guilty because I want so badly to be pregnant again. Don't get me wrong I love Sebastian and I am enjoying the time with him. I would just like to have more kids and a bigger family. Although I have been wanting this ( which is why i feel guilty wanting another child even though I already have one) I find that telling people about wanting another baby is hard.

When someone brings it up i get very embarrassed and a little ticked because well I don't like being asked when I'm gonna have another baby. I know its stupid and I should just be quite but its frustrating when Ron and I have been trying and still nothing has happened. I don't know why i feel disappointed when i already have a child but well.....I'm two weeks late on my period right now. Last week I took a pregnancy test and it came up negative. I was SO bummed and so was Ron. But now that another week has passed with no period in sight we decided to buy another pregnancy test. Now its just sitting in front of me taunting me lol. I want to take it but I'm afraid it will just be negative.

If it is negative again I don't know what we will do, because at that point we then have to find out why I'm not having a period. I think I'm just gonna let this dang thing taunt me a little more before i take it. I think i was less nervous when i took the pregnancy test to find out i was pregnant with Sebastian.lol


four hours later....

took the pregnancy test...it was negative....now im just worried about what might be wrong with my body...