Story of my life in a not so short nut shell. ( warning there is some graphic language)

My name is Jessica Renee Ward. I live in Red Bluff. I have a wonderful fiance a sweet baby boy and two wonderful step children. I live in a modest home with everything that I need to get by, I even have a pool. But the most curious part is how i got to where i am now. So let me tell you about ME. =)


I was born November 22, 1983 in Susanville, Ca. I was 7lbs 5 oz if i remember my mother telling me correctly lol. I think i was 20 inches. (Of course the first few years of my life i only know about through my mother) After I was born my biological father tried to steal me out of the hospital to show his then girlfriend even though he was married to my mom.

I really don't' want to go into the years that my mom told me about because there really isn't a lot. I was a baby after all and don't remember lol. So lets jump from being a baby to being 9 years old. Living in Red Bluff with my mother my step dad tony my sister Erica and two brothers Jimmy and Keith. We lived in apartments on Sacramento st and I went to Jackson Heights School. My mother during these years (as i remember) was a great mom she was loving caring and strict like a good mom should be. One day while we were out in the front of the apartments playing in the front yard in the sprinkler my mother went inside with one of the boys and told me to stay right there and not leave. Low and behold a neighbor came out of his home and asked me to come over to his apartment he said he had some type of new peanut butter that he would like for me to try. (its a little hard to remember exact details as i was nine when this happened) So being a kid that liked peanut butter ( and i mean really liked it ) and the fact that i knew this neighbor and so did my mother and i played with his granddaughter i went over to his apartment. He gave me a spoonful of peanut butter and I told him that i couldn't stay inside his home so he took one of his dinning room chairs and placed it outside and that's where i sat eating the peanut butter. While sitting there he came out and asked if i was liking it and I told him that i was that was when he looked down ( by the way I'm in a bathing suit and that's it because like i said we were playing in the sprinkler) and said oh that's a heat rash does it hurt and he put his hand on the inside of my thigh at that point he moved is hand up my thigh and touched me in my most intimate place. I was shocked and puzzled at what he was doing. Right then my grandparents pulled up and i almost yelled my grandparents are here i need to go. I sat through my grandparents visit and then after they left i told my mom.

My mom called the cops they came out and questioned me i was soo scared that i lied about why i had went over there and how i got over there. We went to court we lost because i lied and he got away with it and i know for sure he was doing the same thing and may be more with his granddaughter because she told me that he did. We ended up moving. During this time though I was friends with Mona, Maria, Alex, and Sam. We did a lot of hanging out because our mothers were good Friends

So we moved over to garden ave in red bluff which is by the high school. Living there wasn't too bad got to go to a new school meet new people. While living there i endured abuse from my step dad. He would force me to eat foods that i found gross and just food that you can't eat because the taste makes you want to vomit. The worst for me is cooked spinach by itself and also eggs that are fried with the yolks still runny. It just grosses me out. He would force me to eat these things because i didn't like them and if i threw them up he would force me to eat my throw up. If i took to long to eat he would get thick rubber bands and pull them back as far as he could and would let them fly and hit me. He would get my sister ( not sure if she remembers this ) to hit and fight with me when i didn't want to, this lasted for several years.

My mom finally divorced Tony just to get with Dave and we moved again to Gerber. After i started going to Gerber school things seem to be looking up i enjoyed school even though i was a bigger girl than most and got teased. I didn't get teased as much as some so i guess that was good. What kid doesn't get teased right?

Graduate 8Th grade =) Head off to High School.

In High School i still get teased a little worse but still not as bad as some. I meet a small group of friends that i hang out with.Megan, only because she moved to Gerber during my sophomore year and so we became almost best friends outside of school. But during my first three years i met Ronni, Holly, Ruby, Sean, Scott, Jennifer, etc.. We all become good friends and the first three years i spent hanging out with them and trying to be a good student. Played clarinet in the band. During the end of my Junior year right before summer break I met John.....

John was a 21 year old cowboy ( at that time i was a cowgirl ) He was sexy even though he wasn't good looking. Not sure how that makes since. HEY i was 16 at the time lol. Ronni and I became best friends and hung out ALL the time and her boyfriend Chris was Johns good friend so we would all hang out. John would hit on me kiss me and things but never go too far. Then one day my mother left the house with everyone else. I was home ALONE. I called john and asked him to come over. I lost my virginity in the back of my house in his truck ( i don't regret it but its not the best way to loose your virginity because i pulled my bicep muscle in the process)

Before this happened i guess i thought that loosing my virginity would make me feel more like a woman but to be honest all it did was make me sore =) so john kept hanging around after that and I started to crave him and us being intimate together. He would come over and charm my mom and be affectionate to me and for my 17 Th birthday even though i was grounded because i snuck john into my room two nights in a row and got caught she still let him come over and when he did he brought me a white rose and said he was gonna cook for me. It was very sweet. I fell in love with him and at the time didn't realize that love would always be there and i would and still do care for him but just not in the way i used to.

All of a sudden john leaves my life stops calling or coming over just stops. I'm sad depressed and feel alone because i am. At school during my senior year i become a loner and hang out in the library on the computer chatting and checking email and things of the that nature. I could have cared less about school I wanted love.

I graduate high school =) my mother throws me a surprise graduation party with friends who had moved away. It was a wonderful time in my life. I decide to move out and live with a new boyfriend and his mom. that didn't last AT ALL. Went back and lived at my moms house and started looking for a job. Ahh i found one working at the local grocery store as a courtesy clerk. and then i found another job working at Blue Shield. I worked both jobs for 2 months until i got laid off from the courtesy clerk job. I would work at Blue shield for three years. During that time I would go into a downward spiral. I wasn't a very good person during this time cuz i moved out of my moms house and lived on my own for six months and then lived with a roommate. During that time i would meet up with guys i met online and have sex i didn't care who they were or were they were from as long as they were good looking i wasn't wanting a relationship i just wanted to sex. During this time I was still working at Blue Shield one day i came home and had extremely bad pain in my mouth went to the dentist and found that i had an infection and needed a root canal but i needed antibiotics and so he gave me pain medicine. (vicodine) this is when i got addicted to pills.

thankfully i knew i was addicted and didn't want to end up like my mom and how she is an alcoholic so i ended up throwing the pills away. In this period of time i was living in Los Molinos then i moved into red bluff and i met Kevin (on line) and two weeks after being "together" we went to Reno and got married (stupidest thing ever) I'm still married to him and having issues getting a divorce because its to freaking expensive. And no i don't qualify for any special programs. Once married we moved into Chico and lived with his parents I ended up loosing my job with Blue Shield ( Cuz i was an idiot) So with no job and no money I stayed with Kevin for about 4-5 months. Then he got hooked on meth we got into a huge fight and i left. even though i loved him I wasn't going to stay around someone like that. So i came back to my moms and she told me that i would be better if i lived somewhere else so she called up her friend and i moved out to Rancho Tehama. thankfully that only lasted several months before my friend Tammy told me she got a place. So i ended up getting a job working at Green Waste I was working for a couple of months and then moved back to Red Bluff and in with Tammy.Kevin and I tried to work on things but it just wasn't meant to be.........

Sorry that this has been kinda all over the place its how i write =p I will finish the story at another time.